Editor’s note: Joanne D. is the matriarch of her family. She birthed six children from 1957 to 1971. She became a grandmother for the first time in 1987 and a great-grandmother in 2017, having five grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. Recently, her family listened as Joanne shared her story in conversations, and they wrote some of it down. We hope you’ll enjoy her reflections.

Military Hospitals and Motherhood Overseas

I was 19 when I got pregnant shortly after marriage. I can’t remember my mom telling me anything about what to expect from conception to birth. My older sister wasn’t married yet, so she couldn’t tell me anything either. As far as prenatal education is concerned, there were no birth classes that I can recall. I only remember being told that if I gained more weight than allowed, they would hospitalize mothers and give an all coffee diet! I was really afraid of that.

I had two births in different parts of Germany during our military time there, three in Pittsburgh, PA, and one in Fort Belvoir, VA. There were major differences in the hospitals. In some of the places where I delivered, the babies were kept in the nursery and were brought to you for feedings only. In Germany, our babies were in our rooms, and we took care of them ourselves. The fathers were not allowed to be in the room, so my husband wasn’t present for any of the children’s births.

Memorable Moments from Birth

My first birth was in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. When I got to the hospital, I heard people screaming; I was really afraid and started crying. I was instructed to push a button when I felt ready to push, and I did press the button, but nobody came! It turns out the button was broken, so I yelled for someone to come, and thankfully they did. Then my son was born. When I got pregnant with my second child, I was told that if my husband didn’t donate blood, the doctor might not be able to come to my birth! This was in an Air Force hospital in Germany. After I went home, I ran up and down our apartment stairs with cloth diaper loads to wash.

I had another boy after that. For my fourth child, I finally delivered a baby girl. The nurses tried to bring me the wrong baby as a joke – which was a boy. I could tell it was not my daughter even all bundled up. There was another baby with the same last name! I’m still irritated about it all these years later: how can you joke about that?

My fifth child was another baby girl. The family was back in Europe, and I delivered in an Army hospital. My husband was golfing and didn’t come to pick me up on time. I remember the staff telling me that if I didn’t go home, I’d be charged for an extra day. He did eventually come and took us home, of course.

My sixth and last baby was born at Fort Belvoir, Virginia. I lived close enough that I could have walked to the hospital, but my husband drove me. I shared a labor room that time, and my roomate had her baby before I did, even though she came in after me.

Evolution of Guidance on Breastfeeding

I was breastfed and so was my sister.  When I had my own children, I was told not to breastfeed. If you had any health issues or allergies, like I did, they said that by nursing you’d pass them along to your babies, hence my kids were formula fed. Breastfeeding wasn’t really something I saw; most people around me didn’t breastfeed. The doctors and hospital staff actually told us that infant formula was superior to breastmilk. By the time my oldest daughter gave birth to her first child, experts had studied and strongly recommended nursing for her. My kids survived, but I do think it is better to breastfeed. I believe breast milk is healthy for babies.

Supporting the Next Generation

My daughter nursed both of her children. She was relying on me for support, but I was worried that I was stepping in too much. She would call me and ask for help, and I would say, “This is your baby; you know her better than anybody!” I was trying to help her learn how to mother with her own instincts. Being a mother means teaching your children well beyond their childhood. I still talk to and support my children and my grandchildren in their adult years.

Watching my granddaughter become a mother, it seemed things were totally different again. The teaching of breastfeeding had really changed. I think it is better now for new mothers and families: there is information and support, which we didn’t have. It is really wonderful being “GG” to my two great-grandchildren, who are now seven and four.

Advice for New Parents

Parents know what is right for their children. You are forming a child into a grown person. Children need guidance and love, which starts at home. You also need to enjoy your children and take pride in raising them well. It means a lot when parents are involved with their children and trying their best. If you’re not making mistakes, you’re not learning. My favorite thing about being the matriarch of this family is just watching everybody and seeing that I had a little something to do with all of these people who have come from me. I’ve learned a lot over my many years of living.

We’d love to hear your reflections on parenting and human milk feeding. Share your stories with Kylie at [email protected]

Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always

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