Divorce or separation from a spouse is a difficult situation for any family, but for breastfeeding and pumping parents, there are additional considerations and challenges. La Leche League Leaders and local Groups are prepared to support you with the practical and emotional side of breastfeeding through separation, and in this week’s article, New Beginnings highlights web resources about this topic.

First, know that you are not alone. The emotional aspects of divorce and separation can feel very lonely. Jessica shared her personal experience of her own divorce. “Breastfeeding through divorce has been both a challenge and a saving grace. I did not anticipate ever getting a divorce; so, imagine my shock when my now ex-husband came home from work …and handed me divorce papers. Our daughter was only seven months old at the time and exclusively breastfed. We had just started introducing her to solids, the entire time saying, “Food before one is just for fun.” I never imagined that my now ex-husband believed that our daughter was fully capable of surviving without me. I still cannot fathom it. I grew this baby, carried her for nine excruciating months, experienced a cesarean birth, endured a broken tailbone, and overcame the early challenges of breastfeeding, only to now have this tiny baby taken from me.” You can read more of Jessica’s story on this blog post.

Many human milk feeding families facing divorce or separation wonder how their nursing baby or toddler will cope. Along with the feelings involved for the nursing parent and the baby, there are logistical considerations for these scenarios as well. Many questions could arise. How will a breastfed baby sleep when the nursing parent is unavailable at bedtime due to visitation? What if you need to learn how to pump for time apart from your baby? How will being separated impact our nursing relationship? What about custody? “For those in the United States, some states have statutes that specifically require breastfeeding/chestfeeding to be considered in custody or visitation decisions. Other states may have prior legal decisions that will guide you and/or your attorney. LLL USA Leaders cannot provide you with legal advice nor offer you the services of an attorney. By contacting a local Leader, they may be able to provide or obtain information that is relevant to the law in your state to help you work towards a solution that best meets the needs of your nursing child and the family.” You can learn more about the logistics of breastfeeding through divorce, along with considerations for family court in this article.

Wondering how to continue the nursing relationship even while separated for visitation? Would it be easier to wean due to separation? When thinking about the breastfeeding relationship in regard to divorce, consider how you can create stability for your child by nursing during a time of many changes. “Some may suggest that weaning will solve your problems. But weaning may add unnecessary stress and anxiety for the child. You do not have to wean in order to comply with any court-ordered visitation requirements. You can continue to nurse when you and your child are together as long as you and your child want. Any unusual or unexpected separation can be disruptive for a young child, especially one that is struggling to adapt to a major change in the family structure and dynamics. Consider the following:

• During any separation that includes missing a usual breastfeeding time, it is important to express your milk to keep up your supply.
• When your child first returns home from a separation, make the transition easier on both of you by being available and responsive, while giving your child time to adjust and re-orient themselves.
• Sometimes your child may seem confused or may be reluctant to nurse like their usual pattern; be patient, spend time cuddling skin to skin or just being together.
• Your child may nurse more frequently; give him/her the time s/he needs to reconnect with you. This will be a time of adjusting to being together again.”

You can learn more about custody and breastfeeding in this article about custody issues, co-parenting, and breastfeeding.

If you’re reading this while walking through separation or divorce and nursing your little one, we are sending you LLLove and support. You can find a local La Leche League USA Group on our online locator for emotional support and tips for maintaining breastfeeding.

Want to write about your own breastfeeding and parenting experiences? Send your story to Kylie at [email protected]

Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always

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