By Beth F.
This is an excerpt from a story originally published in a 2010 issue of the New Beginnings magazine.
Editor’s Note: The first issue of La Leche League News, a bimonthly LLLI publication for members, was published in 1958. The name was changed to New Beginnings in 1985. New Beginnings was acquired by La Leche League USA in 2010 and continued to be published as a magazine until 2014, when it was converted to its current weekly blog format at www.lllusa.org/blog/
To My Son
My son recently weaned. In the back of my mind, I looked forward to this time as a time of growth and new beginnings. I never thought I would get so emotional about the end of breastfeeding. While I knew breastfeeding was the best I could give my son, there were many struggles the two of us faced. My milk supply was always low, he nursed on demand except during the three months when I worked, and, until two months ago, he co-slept and nursed through the night.
I sat down and wrote a letter to my son to help me sort through the emotions I am feeling now that he is no longer breastfeeding. I would like to share it as a positive testament that even though breastfeeding is not always easy, it is a treasured experience.
Dear N,
Tonight is the third night in a row that you have gone to bed without nursing to sleep. It has also been more than 48 hours since you last nursed.
On the one hand, I have been looking forward to this day. When you were first born, you would nurse from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. In those early days, I would need a break so bad and your dad would try to soothe you in his arms, but soon you would be back in my arms, happily snuggled up to me. Nursing stressed me out so much as a new mother. Is he eating enough? Does he really need to nurse this long? Should I let him fall asleep nursing? (On the last one, I really had no choice because up until now, you rarely fell asleep in a bed without nursing.) He just ate 20 minutes ago; does he really need to nurse again?
At first, I honestly believed I would breastfeed you for three months or so and that would be sufficient. Then I had you and found out what the recommendations were. What was I in for? Once I realized this wasn’t as temporary as I thought, I bought every nursing gadget and product out there.
We’ve gone through so many hurdles in the past 20 months. I showed up to my first La Leche League meeting 30 minutes early and filled with questions. I read as many books as I could and talked to as many people who would listen. I wanted to do the best for you, but there were so many small mountains to climb.
I felt awkward leaving the house with you. What was I going to do if you needed to eat and we were out in public? I remember the first time I nursed you in public. It was in a restaurant in Jacksonville, North Carolina. I had your dad there, and I’m certain no one could see anything, but I was so self-conscious about the whole thing. My proudest moment was at the space shuttle launch in Florida. The weather was hot, and I felt bad for having you under the cover, so I let it flutter in the breeze. Afterwards, a woman came up to me and commended me for the wonderful start I was giving you.
I never in a million years thought I’d feel this emotional about the ending of our nursing relationship. I always thought I would feel freed from the “milk factory”. But here I sit, crying and mourning the end to something only my baby and I shared.
I realize that with the end of nursing comes a new chapter. You’re more independent today than you were three days ago. That means you’re growing up. There were days when I would sit at home with you and think, “When is he going to roll/crawl/walk/talk/etc.?” Those days really do go by fast and are fleeting. I miss those days, and, with the end to breastfeeding, I am profoundly reminded that these days and moments do fly by.
A few days after you were born, your dad and I realized that each family does what works best for their family. We did what we had to do for our family, for you. I breastfed you for 20 months because it’s what worked for us. I have no regrets for giving you 20 wonderful months. I can only hope that I can do the same or better for any siblings you have.
Thank you for letting me give you the best start that I could.
Love always,
Your Mommy
We’d love to hear your breastfeeding and human milk feeding experiences. Please send your stories to Kylie at [email protected]
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
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Posted: October 7, 2025 by Yael Breimer
A Letter To My Son: A Look Back
By Beth F.
This is an excerpt from a story originally published in a 2010 issue of the New Beginnings magazine.
Editor’s Note: The first issue of La Leche League News, a bimonthly LLLI publication for members, was published in 1958. The name was changed to New Beginnings in 1985. New Beginnings was acquired by La Leche League USA in 2010 and continued to be published as a magazine until 2014, when it was converted to its current weekly blog format at www.lllusa.org/blog/
To My Son
My son recently weaned. In the back of my mind, I looked forward to this time as a time of growth and new beginnings. I never thought I would get so emotional about the end of breastfeeding. While I knew breastfeeding was the best I could give my son, there were many struggles the two of us faced. My milk supply was always low, he nursed on demand except during the three months when I worked, and, until two months ago, he co-slept and nursed through the night.
I sat down and wrote a letter to my son to help me sort through the emotions I am feeling now that he is no longer breastfeeding. I would like to share it as a positive testament that even though breastfeeding is not always easy, it is a treasured experience.
Tonight is the third night in a row that you have gone to bed without nursing to sleep. It has also been more than 48 hours since you last nursed.
On the one hand, I have been looking forward to this day. When you were first born, you would nurse from 7 p.m. to 10 p.m. In those early days, I would need a break so bad and your dad would try to soothe you in his arms, but soon you would be back in my arms, happily snuggled up to me. Nursing stressed me out so much as a new mother. Is he eating enough? Does he really need to nurse this long? Should I let him fall asleep nursing? (On the last one, I really had no choice because up until now, you rarely fell asleep in a bed without nursing.) He just ate 20 minutes ago; does he really need to nurse again?
At first, I honestly believed I would breastfeed you for three months or so and that would be sufficient. Then I had you and found out what the recommendations were. What was I in for? Once I realized this wasn’t as temporary as I thought, I bought every nursing gadget and product out there.
We’ve gone through so many hurdles in the past 20 months. I showed up to my first La Leche League meeting 30 minutes early and filled with questions. I read as many books as I could and talked to as many people who would listen. I wanted to do the best for you, but there were so many small mountains to climb.
I felt awkward leaving the house with you. What was I going to do if you needed to eat and we were out in public? I remember the first time I nursed you in public. It was in a restaurant in Jacksonville, North Carolina. I had your dad there, and I’m certain no one could see anything, but I was so self-conscious about the whole thing. My proudest moment was at the space shuttle launch in Florida. The weather was hot, and I felt bad for having you under the cover, so I let it flutter in the breeze. Afterwards, a woman came up to me and commended me for the wonderful start I was giving you.
I never in a million years thought I’d feel this emotional about the ending of our nursing relationship. I always thought I would feel freed from the “milk factory”. But here I sit, crying and mourning the end to something only my baby and I shared.
I realize that with the end of nursing comes a new chapter. You’re more independent today than you were three days ago. That means you’re growing up. There were days when I would sit at home with you and think, “When is he going to roll/crawl/walk/talk/etc.?” Those days really do go by fast and are fleeting. I miss those days, and, with the end to breastfeeding, I am profoundly reminded that these days and moments do fly by.
A few days after you were born, your dad and I realized that each family does what works best for their family. We did what we had to do for our family, for you. I breastfed you for 20 months because it’s what worked for us. I have no regrets for giving you 20 wonderful months. I can only hope that I can do the same or better for any siblings you have.
Thank you for letting me give you the best start that I could.
Love always,
Your Mommy
We’d love to hear your breastfeeding and human milk feeding experiences. Please send your stories to Kylie at [email protected]
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
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