By Kylie P.

Recently, I attended the La Leche League International Online Conference and want to share what I learned about a session called “Sound Sleep for the Spirited Baby.” If you missed it, you can still register and attend the sessions until April 2025 at the link above.

“Sound Sleep for the Spirited Baby” was a really useful presentation by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Ed.D. It was so useful that I listened to it twice! Mary is an author, licensed parent educator, and early childhood educator. Her books include Raising Your Spirited Child, Raising Your Spirited Baby and Sleepless in America: Is Your Child Misbehaving or Missing Sleep? Dr. Mary, as she likes to be called, provides training internationally for families and professionals.

Dr. Mary begins her talk by defining who the “Spirited Baby” is. She shares three ways that parents can identify if they have a spirited baby at home:

• Do you sense that your baby is normal, but somehow more sensitive, alert, intense, energetic than other babies that you know?
• Do you have a distinct feeling that you are working harder than your peers with infants of the same age?
• Do you find that your friends’ strategies do not work for your baby?

If your child meets these criteria, Dr. Mary has ideas to support your infant’s sleep. She affirms that typical guidance doesn’t always work for spirited babies and that parents are not alone in this experience. Spirited babies have a more active arousal system, and therefore falling asleep is a gradual unwinding process. Great sleep can be achieved when working with their arousal system, rather than against it.

Dr Mary offers these strategies to help spirited babies sleep better:

• Try to pick up on their sleep cues. These babies may have a shorter window where they sleep. Sleep cues from the baby that will help you to put your baby to sleep right in that sweet spot may include:
• a glance away
• slowing of movement
• eye redness
• drooping cheeks or eyelids

What happens if you miss the sweet spot? A yawn might be too late for these spirited babies when they are less than 9 months. If they are crying or thrashing, they may be too far ahead into overtiring. Early sleep cues can be easily missed because they are subtle. Spirited babies cannot fall asleep when they are overtired. If that happens, then parents should try again 40-90 minutes later.

• Encourage cues to circadian rhythm with lighting and social cues. Our babies and children are part of a family system, and we want to help them to be comfortable in that family system. We can do that by giving them clear hints to show when our day begins. Make noise, use a coffee machine, turn on lights. Get them outside for exposure to morning light, even if it’s just by opening the blinds. In the evening, we can give them signs by reducing stimuli and sending signals that it is time to wind down.
• Routines may need to be modified. Notice if bath or reading, for example, are too stimulating.
• Calm and regulate yourself before the bedtime routine begins. Deep breaths first. Baby can then pick up on your calm.
• Holding, rocking, nursing to sleep is great. Babies are wired to develop self-regulation through co-regulation. Co-regulation is a process of managing emotions and behaviors together with another person. Singing, rocking, and holding fire neurons in the baby’s body that build self-soothing skills. Because their arousal system is more reactive, spirited babies may need our support longer and require more time with co-regulation. Don’t be afraid to do it.
• Respond quickly. Spirited infants will often escalate from awake to crying very quickly. Trust your intuition. Your baby needs you. Give them pats, shush, rocking, nursing, or whatever they need to return to sleep.
• Remember that spirited babies may take very short naps. You can work on nudging them into longer sleeps by responding quickly and getting them back to sleep before they become too aroused. Patience and practice are key.

I found this session really useful and now realize that my oldest child may very well have been at least a spirited sleeper. Some of these strategies came to me for my child through my own trial and error, like responding quickly before she got too worked up and co-regulating. It is nice to learn that these were expert-recommended strategies all along. It was also reassuring to learn that responding to my baby’s cues quickly helped her develop the security and attachment to be able to learn regulation on her own.

Editor’s note: La Leche League International’s core book, The Art of Breastfeeding (9th Edition), formerly known as The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding is available now. You can order your copy here.

Additional resources:

• lllusa.org/then-and-now-laurie-and-dereks-story/
• lllusa.org/each-child-unique/

Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always

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