By Samantha P.

Before I became a mother, I thought breastfeeding was simple. Not necessarily easy,  but simple. I imagined feeding my baby when they were hungry, then moving on with the rest of my day. What I did not realize was how much work existed beyond the moments spent nursing.

There were diapers to track at first, feedings to remember, appointments to attend, questions to research, having an awareness of baby’s milk intake and my milk supply, sometimes limiting social events, and some physical discomfort. There were middle-of-the-night feeds when I was too tired to remember which side I had nursed from last. For me, there were also pumping sessions, milk storage bags, bottle washing, and a constant mental checklist that ran in the background every hour of every day.

Over time, I came to realize that breastfeeding is about much more than feeding a baby. It is also planning, learning, adapting, and carrying an invisible mental load that often goes unnoticed by the people around us.

Years later, as part of my master’s research, I interviewed families about their breastfeeding experiences. Although every family had a different story, I was struck by how often parents described nursing as work. As an anthropologist, I began to recognize breastfeeding as a form of care work, labor that is essential to families. Yet it often remains invisible because it takes place in homes, between feedings, and behind the scenes of everyday life. Not work in a negative sense, but work that requires time, energy, and attention.

One mother described tracking every feeding, diaper, and pumping session during her baby’s first year. Another talked about the challenge of pumping at work and the guilt she felt leaving her responsibilities to take pumping breaks. Several parents described spending hours researching concerns, troubleshooting problems, and trying to determine whether what they were experiencing was normal.

For some parents, breastfeeding involved managing a freezer stash, washing pump parts multiple times a day, and coordinating childcare around feeding schedules. Others spoke about the emotional labor of being the person primarily responsible for feeding their baby.

One mother described feeling as though she was carrying the feeding relationship almost entirely on her own. While family members could do a lot of other things, she felt the responsibility of providing milk rested squarely on her shoulders. That feeling resonated with many of the stories I heard.

Breastfeeding is often portrayed as a natural process, and in many ways it is. Yet “natural” does not always mean effortless. For many families, breastfeeding involves learning new skills, adjusting expectations, and developing routines that can change from week to week. This hidden work is often difficult for others to see.

A partner may see a baby being fed but not the mental calculations happening behind the scenes. Grandparents may see a peaceful nursing session but not the hours spent pumping, washing supplies, or worrying about milk transfer and weight gain. Healthcare providers may see a successful feeding appointment without seeing the countless hours that preceded it.

Because so much of this work is invisible, parents sometimes feel isolated in their experiences. One of the most powerful lessons from both my own journey and my research was the importance of openly discussing what breastfeeding actually entails.

When nursing parents share their experiences with one another, something remarkable happens. They begin to realize they are not the only ones counting ounces, setting alarms, washing pump parts, questioning themselves, or feeling overwhelmed. Support does not always solve every challenge, but it can make those challenges feel less lonely.

Many of the parents I interviewed spoke about the value of connecting with other mothers who understood what they were going through. Sometimes that support came from a friend, a family member, a lactation consultant, or a local breastfeeding group. Sometimes it came from an online community. What mattered most was feeling understood.

When we acknowledge the hidden work of breastfeeding, we create opportunities for better support. Partners can share more of the household and childcare responsibilities. Families can recognize the effort involved rather than assuming breastfeeding happens effortlessly. Communities can create spaces where nursing parents feel comfortable asking questions and sharing their experiences. Most importantly, mothers can give themselves grace.

Breastfeeding is not simply feeding a baby. It is a relationship, a learned skill, and often a significant investment of time and energy. The work may not always be visible, but that does not make it any less real.

For those currently navigating the early days, weeks, or months of breastfeeding, know that if it feels like you are doing a lot, you are. The effort you are putting in matters. And you do not have to carry it alone.

Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always

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