By Annie L.
As we have just passed Olive’s second birthday, I thought writing down our birth story would be a therapeutic experience. I am still nursing my toddler, and if you had told me that on the day she was born, I wouldn’t have believed you! But breastfeeding has been a healing part of my parenting journey and beneficial in helping Olive and me bond after a difficult start.
When I was pregnant, I felt like I was doing all of the things I should be doing. I hired a doula, completed breastfeeding classes, and felt good about my healthcare team. Then I got thrown for a loop when we found out Olive was breech. Even with reassurances that she might still turn head down, I couldn’t stop worrying. I tried everything I read on the internet to flip her position, including lying upside down on an ironing board propped up on the couch. At my 37-week appointment, it was clear she was still breech. I was crying anxious tears as we booked a date for my scheduled C-section. September 13 was going to be Olive’s birthday.
Only two days after I found out I would be having a C-section, I went to my next appointment. I was the first patient of the day, so the office was empty. I was feeling excited because we were going to take maternity photos that evening! As the nurse checked me in, she asked, “Oh, do you get white coat syndrome usually?” (White coat syndrome is when people have a slightly elevated blood pressure due to getting nervous around doctors). With a family physician for a dad, it’s safe to say that doctors don’t make me nervous! I made a note of the blood pressure reading she gave me and went about the rest of my day.
Later that afternoon, as I was getting ready for my maternity photos, I took my blood pressure again at home. It was still elevated, so I decided to call my OB office. They wanted me to come into the hospital for monitoring. I was a little bummed that we had to reschedule our pictures, and I even felt a little annoyed because I thought I would probably go all the way there, only to be sent back home. Still, my husband Danny and I prepared to head to the hospital.
Once there, I still thought that it would be no big deal and we would be sent home. I was cracking jokes with the nurses, drinking water, and even sent Danny to the cafeteria to grab dinner. But things escalated very quickly. I developed severe sudden onset preeclampsia, and my blood pressure was alarmingly high. I was told my baby would be born that day! I quickly called my doula, who was thankfully able to arrive as I was getting prepped for surgery. I had little to no time to process what was happening. I remember a rush of people coming around and introducing themselves. I was shaking with chills both from the hospital and nerves.
I was so scared, despite having an amazing medical team. I started to have a panic attack as I was wheeled into the operating room, and my nurse and the anesthesiologist sat with me and walked me through breathing exercises, waiting to proceed until I had recovered. They described each step that would be happening. My nurse stayed right at my head and talked to me the whole time they were prepping me to keep me distracted. They asked what music I wanted, and all I could say was “I haven’t even made a birth playlist yet!” (Later, Danny told them to put on Taylor Swift, a great choice.)
I remember looking at Olive through the curtain as she was born and thinking “who is this stranger? I can’t wait to get to know her.” After she arrived, I had hoped for immediate skin-to-skin, but they took her over to the warmer. I thought it was only a few moments, but Danny was anxiously watching for a while as they monitored her. She was coughing and choking on amniotic fluid, and her heart rate dropping dangerously low multiple times. Eventually, she came to me wrapped up in a blanket and hat. I touched her head through the fabric as we took our first family photo. It was not what I had hoped for.
Danny had to decide whether he would stay with me as I got stitched up or go with Olive up to the NICU. We hadn’t talked about this or planned for it, but he decided to go with her. We didn’t want her to be alone. I’m thankful that our doula could be there, so that as soon as I was done with surgery, I too had a support person. She stayed with me in the recovery room and overnight, as I completed my preeclampsia treatment.
After a whirlwind 24 hours, I got to really meet my daughter for the first time, getting to hold her bare skinned on my chest. I had been sending her colostrum since only a few hours after birth, but this was the first time we got to try breastfeeding. At last, we were together again. Nursing her was what I was waiting for.
I could tell a whole separate story about the first few days of Olive’s life, as we entered postpartum and newborn life together. Although I still get teary when thinking about Olive’s birth, bringing her safely into the world was one of the best days of my life. Nursing her, although it wasn’t perfect, felt like something finally was going the way I had planned after our birth experience. For me, breastfeeding became my redemption story. It is something in my motherhood journey that I have gotten to do on my terms, taking our time and feeling like something was going right. While we still face challenges and there are hard days, I am endlessly grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed Olive. We couldn’t have done it without my local La Leche League Group and Leaders, my incredibly supportive husband, and all the other moms and friends who have supported us along the way.
Share your nursing and parenting stories with Kylie at [email protected]
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
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Posted: September 17, 2024 by Yael Breimer
Olive’s Birth: Healing a Difficult Start Through Breastfeeding
As we have just passed Olive’s second birthday, I thought writing down our birth story would be a therapeutic experience. I am still nursing my toddler, and if you had told me that on the day she was born, I wouldn’t have believed you! But breastfeeding has been a healing part of my parenting journey and beneficial in helping Olive and me bond after a difficult start.
When I was pregnant, I felt like I was doing all of the things I should be doing. I hired a doula, completed breastfeeding classes, and felt good about my healthcare team. Then I got thrown for a loop when we found out Olive was breech. Even with reassurances that she might still turn head down, I couldn’t stop worrying. I tried everything I read on the internet to flip her position, including lying upside down on an ironing board propped up on the couch. At my 37-week appointment, it was clear she was still breech. I was crying anxious tears as we booked a date for my scheduled C-section. September 13 was going to be Olive’s birthday.
Only two days after I found out I would be having a C-section, I went to my next appointment. I was the first patient of the day, so the office was empty. I was feeling excited because we were going to take maternity photos that evening! As the nurse checked me in, she asked, “Oh, do you get white coat syndrome usually?” (White coat syndrome is when people have a slightly elevated blood pressure due to getting nervous around doctors). With a family physician for a dad, it’s safe to say that doctors don’t make me nervous! I made a note of the blood pressure reading she gave me and went about the rest of my day.
Later that afternoon, as I was getting ready for my maternity photos, I took my blood pressure again at home. It was still elevated, so I decided to call my OB office. They wanted me to come into the hospital for monitoring. I was a little bummed that we had to reschedule our pictures, and I even felt a little annoyed because I thought I would probably go all the way there, only to be sent back home. Still, my husband Danny and I prepared to head to the hospital.
Once there, I still thought that it would be no big deal and we would be sent home. I was cracking jokes with the nurses, drinking water, and even sent Danny to the cafeteria to grab dinner. But things escalated very quickly. I developed severe sudden onset preeclampsia, and my blood pressure was alarmingly high. I was told my baby would be born that day! I quickly called my doula, who was thankfully able to arrive as I was getting prepped for surgery. I had little to no time to process what was happening. I remember a rush of people coming around and introducing themselves. I was shaking with chills both from the hospital and nerves.
I remember looking at Olive through the curtain as she was born and thinking “who is this stranger? I can’t wait to get to know her.” After she arrived, I had hoped for immediate skin-to-skin, but they took her over to the warmer. I thought it was only a few moments, but Danny was anxiously watching for a while as they monitored her. She was coughing and choking on amniotic fluid, and her heart rate dropping dangerously low multiple times. Eventually, she came to me wrapped up in a blanket and hat. I touched her head through the fabric as we took our first family photo. It was not what I had hoped for.
Danny had to decide whether he would stay with me as I got stitched up or go with Olive up to the NICU. We hadn’t talked about this or planned for it, but he decided to go with her. We didn’t want her to be alone. I’m thankful that our doula could be there, so that as soon as I was done with surgery, I too had a support person. She stayed with me in the recovery room and overnight, as I completed my preeclampsia treatment.
I could tell a whole separate story about the first few days of Olive’s life, as we entered postpartum and newborn life together. Although I still get teary when thinking about Olive’s birth, bringing her safely into the world was one of the best days of my life. Nursing her, although it wasn’t perfect, felt like something finally was going the way I had planned after our birth experience. For me, breastfeeding became my redemption story. It is something in my motherhood journey that I have gotten to do on my terms, taking our time and feeling like something was going right. While we still face challenges and there are hard days, I am endlessly grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed Olive. We couldn’t have done it without my local La Leche League Group and Leaders, my incredibly supportive husband, and all the other moms and friends who have supported us along the way.
Share your nursing and parenting stories with Kylie at [email protected]
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
Follow us on:
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Category: Birth, Breastfeeding and Hospitalization, New Family
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