By Amelia C.
My partner works for the federal government, and travel is a part of his job description. He has been gone throughout different seasons of our children’s lives – sometimes for a few days and sometimes several weeks or months. He supports us from afar, and we count down the days until we are together. We make it work and make the best of our seasons when we are united. I wanted to write about our experience because I know there are many families out there just like us. I hope this article makes you feel seen.
I often tell people that I have a harder time solo parenting when my husband is gone, because he is such a spectacularly involved father and partner when he is home. It feels like we share things very equally. Sometimes I joke that if he was a less involved dad, it would be easier when he is gone because I would already be used to functioning without him. The silliest way I can describe the feeling is that if we, as a partnership as parents, are one robot working together pretty seamlessly, when he is gone, his robot leg is gone, and I am lopsided.
Before I become that one-legged robot, we try to make a plan. There are a lot of things to cover. Where is he going? How long will he be gone? Will there be a time difference? Usually there is. How will we communicate? Facetime works sometimes, sometimes we send videos back and forth, and sometimes texts or emails are the most reliable. Will there be reliable internet? Usually, but not always.
We discuss support for me and the kids at home. Will we go stay with family? Will we stay home and stick it out alone? It depends on how long he will be gone and how anxious I’m feeling about solo parenting at that stage. What will we do if the kids get sick? That always seems to happen. I’ve made that 2 am phone call, desperately calling my mom to drive across town and help with a sick child. Of course, I was lucky she answered and came to my rescue. Not everyone has local family support when their partner travels, and for this I feel very grateful.
We discuss parenting concerns and time them around his travel. Will I have important pregnancy or postpartum appointments? Or will the kids have any appointments? If so, how will I share the information with him? Can he Facetime in? One doctor didn’t let us (for an ultrasound!), and others did. Sometimes I would send a voice memo from the exam room as we packed up to leave.
Once, when he was gone, our entire septic system needed to be replaced. That was exciting while home alone with a nursing toddler and pregnant! Another time, I needed to replace two of our air conditioning units alone. Something always pops up. We’d do our best to figure out logistics, like house maintenance and mowing the grass. Usually the time leading up to travel for him means lots of housework, projects, meal prepping, and more.
Then there’s the next hard part: telling the kids. At different ages they understand different things. I can’t decide which age is hardest. Depending on their age and understanding, we’ve marked off dates on a calendar or made countdown chains to count down the days. We draw maps and stick them to the wall and mark where we are and where dad will be.
I usually would see an uptick in nursing when my husband would first go away for work travel. My children needed additional comfort, reassurance, and snuggles. Nursing was a simple way for us to be together because I could meet their needs and lay down myself. Nursing was a critical parenting tool for us while he was traveling. I knew that if I was too exhausted to introduce my baby to some new solid foods that day, he’d still be getting the necessary and special nutrients from the breast. Mothering at the breast took a lot of the pressure off for me. If they did get sick, I knew that I could provide them with hydration and nutrients that they needed to recover quickly. I certainly didn’t want to wean while my husband was away – it was too vital to our survival!
When we drop him at the airport, that goodbye never seems to get easier. For any of us. I always drive away with this feeling of anxiety, as if I had actually lost a leg. As if I am forgetting something. I talk myself through all the supports he and I have built, enough for me to have a backup “leg to stand on”. I am so grateful for a loving partner who supports us well, wherever he is.
We’d love to feature your parenting and nursing experiences on the blog. Email your stories to Kylie at [email protected]
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
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Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
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Posted: May 20, 2025 by Yael Breimer
Solo Parenting While a Spouse Travels
By Amelia C.
My partner works for the federal government, and travel is a part of his job description. He has been gone throughout different seasons of our children’s lives – sometimes for a few days and sometimes several weeks or months. He supports us from afar, and we count down the days until we are together. We make it work and make the best of our seasons when we are united. I wanted to write about our experience because I know there are many families out there just like us. I hope this article makes you feel seen.
I often tell people that I have a harder time solo parenting when my husband is gone, because he is such a spectacularly involved father and partner when he is home. It feels like we share things very equally. Sometimes I joke that if he was a less involved dad, it would be easier when he is gone because I would already be used to functioning without him. The silliest way I can describe the feeling is that if we, as a partnership as parents, are one robot working together pretty seamlessly, when he is gone, his robot leg is gone, and I am lopsided.
Before I become that one-legged robot, we try to make a plan. There are a lot of things to cover. Where is he going? How long will he be gone? Will there be a time difference? Usually there is. How will we communicate? Facetime works sometimes, sometimes we send videos back and forth, and sometimes texts or emails are the most reliable. Will there be reliable internet? Usually, but not always.
We discuss parenting concerns and time them around his travel. Will I have important pregnancy or postpartum appointments? Or will the kids have any appointments? If so, how will I share the information with him? Can he Facetime in? One doctor didn’t let us (for an ultrasound!), and others did. Sometimes I would send a voice memo from the exam room as we packed up to leave.
Once, when he was gone, our entire septic system needed to be replaced. That was exciting while home alone with a nursing toddler and pregnant! Another time, I needed to replace two of our air conditioning units alone. Something always pops up. We’d do our best to figure out logistics, like house maintenance and mowing the grass. Usually the time leading up to travel for him means lots of housework, projects, meal prepping, and more.
Then there’s the next hard part: telling the kids. At different ages they understand different things. I can’t decide which age is hardest. Depending on their age and understanding, we’ve marked off dates on a calendar or made countdown chains to count down the days. We draw maps and stick them to the wall and mark where we are and where dad will be.
I usually would see an uptick in nursing when my husband would first go away for work travel. My children needed additional comfort, reassurance, and snuggles. Nursing was a simple way for us to be together because I could meet their needs and lay down myself. Nursing was a critical parenting tool for us while he was traveling. I knew that if I was too exhausted to introduce my baby to some new solid foods that day, he’d still be getting the necessary and special nutrients from the breast. Mothering at the breast took a lot of the pressure off for me. If they did get sick, I knew that I could provide them with hydration and nutrients that they needed to recover quickly. I certainly didn’t want to wean while my husband was away – it was too vital to our survival!
When we drop him at the airport, that goodbye never seems to get easier. For any of us. I always drive away with this feeling of anxiety, as if I had actually lost a leg. As if I am forgetting something. I talk myself through all the supports he and I have built, enough for me to have a backup “leg to stand on”. I am so grateful for a loving partner who supports us well, wherever he is.
We’d love to feature your parenting and nursing experiences on the blog. Email your stories to Kylie at [email protected]
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
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Category: Making It Work, Partner Support
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