Christie B.
Today we are sharing an excerpt from a story originally published in New Beginnings magazine in 2010.
Editor’s Note: The first issue of La Leche League News, a bimonthly LLLI publication for members, was published in 1958. The name was changed to New Beginnings in 1985. New Beginnings was acquired by La Leche League USA in 2010 and continued to be published as a magazine until 2014, when it was converted to its current weekly blog format at www.lllusa.org/blog/
Please note: Although this story has a happy ending, sensitive topics such as infant mortality are discussed.
When I found out I was pregnant, I started to get really excited about having a home birth. I would tell people with pride that I was planning on having my baby at home. It was important to be prepared though. We started taking childbirth classes from a local instructor who had birthed ten of her own children in her home!
We were expecting to learn how to relax, how to breathe, and how to support one another. What we weren’t expecting was to learn so much about breastfeeding. I knew breastfeeding was important, and it had always been what I expected to do. I had no idea, though, that it was such an art. We watched videos about latch techniques, hand expression, and the importance of avoiding nipple confusion. And as it got closer and closer for me to have this baby, I became really excited to breastfeed her. I couldn’t wait to hold her close, skin-to-skin, and look in her eyes and know that I am all she needs in the world.
Enter reality.
My pregnancy was perfect. My labor was uncomplicated, but my baby came out in distress. She didn’t get enough oxygen in those first few minutes, which led to some permanent brain damage. The details of all this aren’t as important as the fact that as I looked at my little one lying in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) barely alive, I was grieving over many things, one of which was that I would probably never breastfeed my baby. In fact, in the beginning, it was looking like there were a lot of things I’d never get to do with my baby, and breastfeeding was not highest on the list.
But, even while spending endless hours at the hospital, I faithfully pumped, getting hardly anything at first. I remember proudly handing my little bottle of breastmilk to the nurse every three hours, basking in her praise and amazement of how much I could get out! I was told over and over that they were keeping every drop of milk because it was like liquid gold for my baby once she could start eating.
We were told she would likely not live long. But she’s a fighter, and she is strong, and she wasn’t ready to go. We couldn’t believe that after a couple of days, we started having conversations about taking her home! We thanked our lucky stars. We learned how to insert her nasogastric (NG) feeding tube (through her nose all the way into her stomach) because she had no suck, swallow, or gag reflex, and we took home two full boxes of expressed milk.
My husband told me to just hang on, and soon we were seeing improvements. She made so many gains that before long we were certain she was going to make it.
Even with so much to be thankful for, I was still mourning the loss of nursing. I was starting to hate the pump. I didn’t see how I’d ever be able to leave the house, since I had to pump every two to three hours. I was dreading having to feed Sadie in public because of the tube. I just kept thinking how much easier everything would be if l could just breastfeed! We were told I could give her a pacifier and see if we could strengthen her suck, but that babies with this kind of injury were known to aspirate and end up with pneumonia, so it wasn’t safe to try to nurse her yet.
I was militant about the pacifier. I even gave it to her when I was tube feeding her because I wanted her to feel her tummy getting full while sucking. But, the nurse kept telling me we needed to test her suck/swallow before we could try to give her any milk orally.
Finally, it was time to try to breastfeed Sadie. We cuddled up and I put her to my nipple, but she couldn’t quite get the hang of it. Then my husband suggested trying the other side. It took a few tries, but she did it! Oh, what a relief that was!
I was surprised at how different it felt from the pump! It wasn’t only the feel of the suck that was different and surprising, it was the hormones I felt releasing. I felt instantly closer to my baby, even after just three or four sucks.
I spent the next couple of days pumping, feeding her through the tube, then letting her suck a little. I attended a La Leche League meeting, because she was having trouble with the shape of my left nipple. We began using a nipple shield and that helped a lot. Eventually, she was exclusively nursing!
Soon enough, I was comfortable nursing in public. Sadie is now six months old, and she is a champion breastfeeder. She has nursed in restaurants, in the car, on an airplane, in bed, on the couch, at a baseball game, and anywhere else you can imagine.
Teaching my baby (and myself) how to breastfeed has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve done in my life. I love to sit and nurse her, especially since she’s not a particularly cuddly baby.
I love knowing that she knows what to do when I hold her a certain way and that she has a specific cry to let me know she’s hungry. Despite her difficulties at the beginning , I know that she’s getting the best from me now. I really feel I’ve fulfilled my purpose in life in being a mother, and I don’t plan on giving this up any time soon.
We’d love to hear your breastfeeding and human milk feeding experiences. Please send your stories to Kylie at [email protected]
Resources from topics in this story:
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
Follow us on:
Leave a Comment
Posted: January 13, 2026 by Yael Breimer
A Look Back: From Tube-Fed to Breastfed
Christie B.
Today we are sharing an excerpt from a story originally published in New Beginnings magazine in 2010.
Editor’s Note: The first issue of La Leche League News, a bimonthly LLLI publication for members, was published in 1958. The name was changed to New Beginnings in 1985. New Beginnings was acquired by La Leche League USA in 2010 and continued to be published as a magazine until 2014, when it was converted to its current weekly blog format at www.lllusa.org/blog/
Please note: Although this story has a happy ending, sensitive topics such as infant mortality are discussed.
When I found out I was pregnant, I started to get really excited about having a home birth. I would tell people with pride that I was planning on having my baby at home. It was important to be prepared though. We started taking childbirth classes from a local instructor who had birthed ten of her own children in her home!
We were expecting to learn how to relax, how to breathe, and how to support one another. What we weren’t expecting was to learn so much about breastfeeding. I knew breastfeeding was important, and it had always been what I expected to do. I had no idea, though, that it was such an art. We watched videos about latch techniques, hand expression, and the importance of avoiding nipple confusion. And as it got closer and closer for me to have this baby, I became really excited to breastfeed her. I couldn’t wait to hold her close, skin-to-skin, and look in her eyes and know that I am all she needs in the world.
Enter reality.
But, even while spending endless hours at the hospital, I faithfully pumped, getting hardly anything at first. I remember proudly handing my little bottle of breastmilk to the nurse every three hours, basking in her praise and amazement of how much I could get out! I was told over and over that they were keeping every drop of milk because it was like liquid gold for my baby once she could start eating.
We were told she would likely not live long. But she’s a fighter, and she is strong, and she wasn’t ready to go. We couldn’t believe that after a couple of days, we started having conversations about taking her home! We thanked our lucky stars. We learned how to insert her nasogastric (NG) feeding tube (through her nose all the way into her stomach) because she had no suck, swallow, or gag reflex, and we took home two full boxes of expressed milk.
My husband told me to just hang on, and soon we were seeing improvements. She made so many gains that before long we were certain she was going to make it.
Even with so much to be thankful for, I was still mourning the loss of nursing. I was starting to hate the pump. I didn’t see how I’d ever be able to leave the house, since I had to pump every two to three hours. I was dreading having to feed Sadie in public because of the tube. I just kept thinking how much easier everything would be if l could just breastfeed! We were told I could give her a pacifier and see if we could strengthen her suck, but that babies with this kind of injury were known to aspirate and end up with pneumonia, so it wasn’t safe to try to nurse her yet.
I was militant about the pacifier. I even gave it to her when I was tube feeding her because I wanted her to feel her tummy getting full while sucking. But, the nurse kept telling me we needed to test her suck/swallow before we could try to give her any milk orally.
Finally, it was time to try to breastfeed Sadie. We cuddled up and I put her to my nipple, but she couldn’t quite get the hang of it. Then my husband suggested trying the other side. It took a few tries, but she did it! Oh, what a relief that was!
I was surprised at how different it felt from the pump! It wasn’t only the feel of the suck that was different and surprising, it was the hormones I felt releasing. I felt instantly closer to my baby, even after just three or four sucks.
I spent the next couple of days pumping, feeding her through the tube, then letting her suck a little. I attended a La Leche League meeting, because she was having trouble with the shape of my left nipple. We began using a nipple shield and that helped a lot. Eventually, she was exclusively nursing!
Soon enough, I was comfortable nursing in public. Sadie is now six months old, and she is a champion breastfeeder. She has nursed in restaurants, in the car, on an airplane, in bed, on the couch, at a baseball game, and anywhere else you can imagine.
Teaching my baby (and myself) how to breastfeed has been one of the most rewarding things I’ve done in my life. I love to sit and nurse her, especially since she’s not a particularly cuddly baby.
I love knowing that she knows what to do when I hold her a certain way and that she has a specific cry to let me know she’s hungry. Despite her difficulties at the beginning , I know that she’s getting the best from me now. I really feel I’ve fulfilled my purpose in life in being a mother, and I don’t plan on giving this up any time soon.
We’d love to hear your breastfeeding and human milk feeding experiences. Please send your stories to Kylie at [email protected]
Resources from topics in this story:
Supporting Breastfeeding Families–Today, Tomorrow, Always
Please consider donating to La Leche League USA.
Your gift helps support this blog and the website!
Donations of any amount are gratefully accepted. Thank you!
Follow us on:
Facebook
Instagram
Category: Breastfeeding and Health Conditions
Subscribe to Our Blog
Upcoming events:
La Leche League Meetings