By Yuliya G.

Editor’s note: The article below comes from the perspective of a mental health professional. The writer desires to support new parents in their mental health challenges and to describe the red tape she faced, while sharing her own experiences with La Leche League support. If you need mental health support in your parenting journey, you can find resources at the bottom of this article.

I was feeling so angry on Wednesday morning. I had asked my mother’s friend, who goes to a famous pediatric chain, if she could bring my flyer about my postpartum support group for new moms to that office. The response that I received from the doctor’s office really got me enraged. Apparently, there is no way a person can just bring in a flyer about local providers who are helping moms; the flyer has to be mailed to the main office to be approved.

I recalled my earlier attempts to talk to the local pediatrician’s office, trying to tell them that I am a local postpartum therapist providing professional therapy in Russian and English, and the receptionist talked to me as if I were an alien! I felt as though my desires to help mothers were being stifled every time I reached out.

The office I’m referring to is famous for their “excellent” pediatrics. But what is excellence when it comes to being a pediatrician? Of course, making correct medical diagnoses is important, but what about the mothers’ mental health?

What “excellence” are they talking about? It reminds me of the communist country I came from. We had loud mission statements on paper, but people suffered in silence. There was a hush culture around mental health, especially maternal mental health.

Moms were supposed to be happy, grateful to be mothers, and self-sacrificing. Pediatricians were the “experts,” often shaming moms. Why is it 2026, yet attention to maternal mental health — and the mother’s part in the dyad— is still not part of what we call excellence when it comes to baby and mother care?

Is the system built to gaslight and hush maternal mental health? In my experience, this seems to be sadly true. Apparently, even to connect to the local mom and community, it has to be approved by the “experts from above.” Does the child’s mental health really matter? How can a child’s mental health be separated from the parents?

In contrast, I remembered the time when I was dealing with my own early postpartum struggles. I joined my local La Leche League Group, and the Leader gave me a flyer about the Group to share with my pediatrician. My pediatrician was very appreciative of this information! That’s how it’s supposed to be!

The Group Leader, who is a phenomenal woman and mother, became more to me than just breastfeeding support. We developed a beautiful friendship that’s now 20 years long and counting!  When I joined La Leche League, I wasn’t just a new mom, I was also a new immigrant, having only been in the U.S. for three years and trying to navigate parenthood in a country that wasn’t my own, without a single local mom friend.

I learned about the  importance of a “holding environment” for mothers to provide optimal care for their children. What does a “holding environment” mean in simple terms?

Think about a new mother in her home. The baby is crying. The mom hears the cry and rushes to pick the baby up. She holds the baby and tries to figure out what the baby needs: is the baby hungry, needs a diaper changed, lonely, or overstimulated? She tries intuitively to soothe the baby. But first things first: the cry is real and needs to be addressed.

Now think about a pediatrician and the postpartum mom. The mom’s exhaustion, isolation, and stress are important and need to be addressed. So, what about when this tired mom is in the pediatrician’s office? Is she allowed to voice her needs and be heard? Or do her needs not matter?

A baby learns that they can cry and someone will come, that they are allowed to express needs; or, if ignored, the baby may learn that crying doesn’t make any difference. They learn to cry quietly or stop crying altogether because nobody responds. When I attended La Leche League breastfeeding support meetings, I unconsciously felt “held.” The Leader was always making sure moms ate, and she helped them  with simple but so important tasks, like holding a crying baby while they eat and demonstrating how to use infant sling carriers. I remember we talked about everything from sore nipples to mothers-in-law, infant sleep, intimacy after postpartum, and society standards. The moms were just talking freely. We laughed together and cried together. I truly believe La Leche League saved me from developing postpartum depression. The Group became my anchor of support and, more importantly, a community in my new country. And now, as a mental health professional, I want to give back to new moms what I needed during the early days of my parenting journey. I want to provide a place where new mothers can feel held, seen, and supported and connected.

Maybe my anger this morning wasn’t just about one flyer. It was about the silence that still surrounds the parenting experience. The truth is, every system needs to learn what we mothers already know: when someone cries, you don’t send them to headquarters for approval. You listen. We deserve to be seen, heard, and held right away.

Send your experiences about breastfeeding and parenting to Kylie at [email protected]

More resources:

• lllusa.org/my-story-of-breastfeeding-and-postpartum-depression/
• lllusa.org/speaking-out-about-postpartum-mood-disorders-from-the-new-beginnings-archives/
• Find a La Leche League Group near you or online here: lllusa.org/locator/

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